| it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time |
[28 Sep 2007|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You |
] |
I really dislike having to rely on other people to get me aroung. Meghan had to help me get dressed today, Dan had to wash my hair...and its so wonderful to have such amazing people in my life that are willing to do these things for me, but at the same time, I like to take care of myself. My new years resolution this January is already decided... wear heels a ton to make up for these 4 upcoming months of flats/ginormous cast -- but more importantly to function on my own. I know that some dependence is healthy... but after the amount of dependence I will have due to this handicap, I am going to need some major doses of independence.
I'm in Louisville recouperating until Tuesday... I go for my first official post-operation check up on Wednesday morning so I can see what my surgeon says about my healing/swelling so far. I hope I get a cast then...this "dressing" I think contributes to transportational pains.
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| oowie |
[28 Sep 2007|10:21am] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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I am writing from my Hospital bed. Currently my little IV thing is beeping to notify the nurses that I need more antibiotics so that I don't get an infection in my leg or in the rest of my body. On Tuesday, I was hit by a truck while I was crossing the street at a crosswalk...The driver was trying to make it through the light and wound up running the red light and hitting me. I am recovering from the accident pretty well, but I'd be lying if I said I was comfortable. Every time I have to move out of bed my leg swells up even more and I am finally starting to feel some pain in my hips which I am hoping is whiplash..the xrays didnt show any breaks other than my leg so everything else should be in tact. I havent written on here in a while, but I probably will resume writing here cause I'll have nothing else to do while I sit around with my leg propped up.
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| all the best deception and the clever cover story award go to you |
[19 Jun 2007|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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music |
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dashboard - the best deceptions |
] |
Honesty is the most important part of any relationship or friendship. You have spent months lying to me, lying to the person that you say you love, lying to the person you pretended to love, lying to yourself, and lying to everyone else around you. I bet you're tired. Eventually, you'll be able to rest, because all of your lies will push all of your friends, family, and relationships away from you and you will no longer have anyone in your life to lie to...even if you wanted to.
"True loss only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anyone that much."
on a happier note: I have never been happier. :-D
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[25 May 2007|04:46pm] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
] |
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music |
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boys like girls |
] |
Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
Im holding on to something and I do not know why I tried
I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what Im feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I dont know, whoa
Today Im on my own
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I dont know
And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Yeah Im walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think Ill make it out but you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain
Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder
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| someday love will finally be enough |
[25 Apr 2007|03:49pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
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music |
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Anna Nalick - paper bag |
] |
in 10 days i graduate college. imagine my excitement...
would i be out of line if i said i miss you?
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| thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great. |
[17 Apr 2007|09:57am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Fall Out Boy - thnks fr th mmrs |
] |
In high school sophomore year, there were these two boys that sat across from Melissa and I in our art class. These two boys were the dumbest high school boys I think that I ever knew. They couldn't for the life of them understand how they got caught drinking by their parents when they left their beer in the cup holder of their car and their car in the garage...but their car had tinted windows. I am having a flashback of those days in art class right now as I sit in the library writing my paper and three boys across talking about ridiculousness. The issue is that I am trying to get a paper done...and I have less than an hour to complete it. I wish they would shut up.
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| i knew that triple latte meant that taylor loves me too |
[13 Apr 2007|07:56pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
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music |
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kristin chenoweth - taylor the latte boy |
] |
There's a boy who works at Starbucks
Who is very inspirational.
He is very inspirational because of many things.
I come in at 8:11, and he smiles and says, "How are you?"
When he smiles and says, "How are you?"
I could swear my heart grows wings!
So today at 8:11
I decided I should meet him
I decided I should meet him
In a proper formal way.
So today at 8:11 as he smiled and said "How are you?"
I said "Fine, and my name’s Kristen"
And he softly answered, "Hey."
And I said "My name is Kristen, and thank you for the extra foam…"
And he said his name was Taylor,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:
Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him…
So I’d like to get my nerve up
To recite my poem musical.
He would like the fact it’s musical
Because he plays guitar.
So today at 8:11, Taylor told me he was playing
In a band down in the village in the basement of a bar.
AND he smoothly flipped the lever to prepare my double latte,
But for me he made it triple! (And he didn’t think I knew)
But I saw him flip the lever, and for me he made it triple,
And I knew that triple latte meant that Taylor loved me too!
I said, "What time are you playing? And thank you for the extra skim…"
He said, "Keep the $3.55," because this triple latte was on him.
Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him…
I used to be the kind of girl who ran when love rushed toward her.
But suddenly a voice whispered "Love can be yours, if you step up to the counter, and order."
Oh taylor, the latte boy
Bring me java, bring me joy
Taylor the latte boy
I love him, I love him, I love him.
So many years my heart has waited,
Who’d have thought that love could be so caffeinated?
Taylor, the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him.
I love him, I love him, I love him.
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| if i build you a city, would you let me? would you tear it down?? |
[12 Apr 2007|10:28am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Face Down |
] |
Life doesn't really suck right now...but it sure isn't much fun. I have all A's and B's in my classes, which I am very excited about...but struggling to keep. In addition to that I have a lot of other requirements that I need to meet before the end of the semester, I am working the maximum 40 hours a pay period and still unable to pay my bills. I've discovered feelings for a boy. he reminds me of my dad (which is the best compliment any guy could get from me) but i'm sad to know it won't work out, simply because I am so dumb...and he knows it. The worst part is, I struggle to be myself around him...and I know he'd like the real person that I am. And I can't seem to find enough time in the day to clean my room, apartment and bathroom...which really just adds stress to life.
I think I am in the shut-down mode...where regardless of how much I try to get stuff done I stress more and then lose all functioning ability. This happened very frequently last semester.
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| I found this today... |
[21 Mar 2007|01:28pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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"When Gin and I were freshmen in highschool and I didn't know her she came up to me and told me she owned an oil well with my name. And then she showed me a picture. Perhaps just to prove it. Because, you see, Virginia is JUST that cool. And thats the kind of girl she is. She owns oil wells, gives them names as if they were human, and then brings you a picture for proof. If I were an oil well, I would belong to Virginia McCoy. And, if I were a pumpkin I would be big, fat, round and consequently... ORANGE. Unless, I wasn't fully grown and then I would probably be green, tiny and oblong. Which is the lesson we have learned here today. Leave pumpkins on the vine until they have reached their full pumpkiny potential. Then make them into pumpkin muffins and eat them."
I <3 Keen...really.
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| these nights when we were drinking never got us anywhere |
[25 Feb 2007|09:31pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed in people |
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music |
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Ginny Owens - without condition |
] |
I'm disappointed...very, very disappointed. Yes, I'm disappointed in myself, but more than that I am disappointed in people that I thought I could trust and respect. I realize that no one is perfect, and I realize that mistakes happen. BUT, people should learn from their mistakes. I cannot ever, ever, EVER respect someone who behaves in ways that will hurt another person KNOWING that what they are doing would hurt someone else. I'm not the person to get in the middle of things... BUT I expected more out of you.
I'm going to be a better person... a MUCH better person. And I'm only going to surround myself with good people. Note to all reading this: If you are not a person with values and consideration for others... then you're not a person I prefer to associate myself with.
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| i cant survive without a way back into love. |
[19 Feb 2007|12:52pm] |
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mood |
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 confident |
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music |
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Justin Timberlake - Losing my Way |
] |
After a lot of deliberation and confusion... I have finally decided what i want to do when I "grow up". I want to teach elementary school...and one day be a Guidance Counselor. I haven't been this excited about my career choices...ever.
I might be in school until I'm 25...but at least when I get out I will be happy.
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| would you be my valentine if i was a world away....? |
[14 Feb 2007|10:51am] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
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music |
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Martina McBride - Valentine |
] |
I can count on one hand the number of people in this world that I completely trust with anything. It's not that I only distrust guys, i have minimal trust for all people. I said things last week when I was not really in the best state of mind to spill out my secrets or explain my issues. I guess I'd like the opportunity to explain them again...better.
I've started praying again.
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| I hate blizzards! |
[14 Feb 2007|09:07am] |
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mood |
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 snowed in |
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music |
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Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody |
] |
“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!"
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[27 Jan 2007|10:55pm] |
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mood |
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 ambitious |
] |
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music |
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Justin Timberlake - Never Again |
] |
things I really want to do... in no particular order.
*live in san francisco for at least one year
*go skydiving
*go to Japan (but probably bring my own meals...)
*read all the harry potter books
*own a boat
*white water raft the grand canyon
*go to the olympics (meet michael phelps there..? that'd be hot.)
*change my own oil in my car (this might never happen...but i'd feel cool if it did)
*leave an enormous tip for someone
*trust someone enough to let them love me
*jump off a waterfall
*ride in a helicopter over the volcanoes in hawaii.
*ride a bike down a volcano in hawaii
*elope
*own a home (with a hot tub in the back yard)
*go to colorado in september to see the aspen turn
*plant a garden and keep it alive
*chase a tornado
*attend mardi gras in new orleans...but i'll keep my shirt on. probably.
*go to maine
*eat salmon...sounds easy, but it kind of terrifies me.
*go to every state
*travel every continent
*spit in siberia (so i can see my spit freeze before it hits the ground. totally took this from dunn)
*wash the windows of a sky scraper
*sail
*surf
*bungee jump...preferrably off of some bridge in germany i heard about once
*give birth to a child
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[20 Jan 2007|03:32pm] |
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mood |
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 i shine a little more lately |
] |
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music |
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Anna Nalick - In the Rough |
] |
reasons i am lucky:
*my friends are amazing
*my family loves me
*i am alive
*I have a BFFFL that no one can ever compare to.
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[18 Jan 2007|10:48pm] |
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mood |
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used |
] |
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music |
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Beyonce - Irreplaceable |
] |
I'm finding myself feeling the opposite that I expected. I thought that tonight, once I cleared all unnecessary drama from my life I would be in a much better mood, and I could stop being so angry at myself. And I'm not angry really... but I'm not in a better mood. It's awful how even having the slightest idea that a guy might be into you -- for any reason -- makes you feel special. Whether he just wants sex, money or if he really thinks you're a good person, whatever it is, knowing that he wants something from you makes you feel special, needed, wanted... And even if you dont like the guy, or if you do and he turns out to be untrustworthy or a jerk (which lets be honest...most do.) you still get the special feeling. That feeling is a drug. Why do girls immediately go out and meet new guys or call up old guys after any kind of breakup? Because they weren't planning on giving up their special feeling and they need one last hit...or two...or three. I wish that I could find a way to prevent myself from ever feeling that again...cause it is a feeling that I don't trust.
I am angry at myself still. I'm angry because I actually considered letting someone new get close to me...and I dont usually do that.
I wish I was captivating. I wish I was beautiful. ...or at least I wish I felt it.
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[16 Jan 2007|08:02am] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
] |
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music |
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matchbox twenty - push |
] |
i dont know if i've every been really loved by a hand that's touched me.
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[12 Jan 2007|08:21am] |
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mood |
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angry |
] |
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music |
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Gavin Degraw - Follow through |
] |
i need for you to prove me wrong about you.
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| theres beauty in the breakdown |
[06 Jan 2007|11:50pm] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
] |
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music |
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Jacks Mannequin - Lights and Buzz |
] |
?
the holiday = amazing. "sex makes everything complicated. even when you're not having it, the not having it is complicated."
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[04 Jan 2007|10:58pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
] |
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music |
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Justin Timberlake - what goes around comes around |
] |
I saw The Holiday....
flippin adorable. I will own it.
I'm excited to be reunited with my roomie tomorrow!
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